Criticism Training

The dictionary definition of criticism is to openly find fault with. If you follow that description its no wonder that criticism often causes the person being criticized to become angry. Given that most people haven't received any training in how to offer criticism its really not all that surprising that it's the cause of so much anger. Because of this, training in how to give criticism should be an important part of any anger management class. 

Offering criticism can be even more stressful than receiving it. Studies have shown that people who are about to offer criticism are often concerned that they or the other person may get angry at them and that they will not know how to manage that other person's anger. 

One way to avoid all this stress and anger is to redefine criticism. A number of research studies have shown that people actually want to know what they do well, what they need to improve, and what others believe their strengths and weaknesses are. Most people want to do a good job or be a good spouse or friend and are oftentimes eager to improve. So the trick to providing criticism as a good anger management technique is to redefine it as something that emphasizes teaching rather than finding fault and running someone down. 

In the book, "Criticism Management: How to More Effectively Give, Receive, and Seek Criticism in Our Lives" Randy Garner outlines an alternate definition of criticism that he calls "G.R.I.P.E." which emphasizes criticism as an opportunity to provide useful information which helps another Grow, Recover, Improve, Prosper and Excel (G.R.I.P.E.). 

What makes for Good Criticism? 
Garner feels that the goal of criticism should be to help the recipient G.R.I.P.E. The aim is neither to belittle the person you are criticizing nor to inflate your ego; instead it is offered in a spirit of assistance. 

Constructive criticism is: 
1) Problem-focused, not personal 
2) Specific, not vague 
3) Descriptive, rather than judgmental or blaming 

What makes for bad criticism? 
The goal of someone who uses destructive criticism is to make you look bad, manipulate you for their own benefit, or to make themself appear better, smarter, or more powerful than you. In short, the goal is not improvement or helping, but to injure your self-esteem. Destructive criticism may be given to show "who's the boss," or demean the other person. 

Destructive criticism is: 
1) Often personally focused 
2) Overly general or vague 
3) Focused on judgment and blame 
4) Offered without the best interests of the recipient in mind 

Criticism Techniques for Anger Management 

1) "Explain as if the Other Person Doesn't Know" Anger Management Technique
With this anger management technique criticism is intentionally worded to act as if the person does not know the right way to do something through no fault of their own. For example, you might start out by saying something like "You may not know this, however, we need to have..." or "You may not be aware , of this, however all of these need to be approved before they are sent out." This approach keeps the other person from feeling defensive which makes it much less likely they will become angry. 

2) The "Demonstration" Anger Management Technique 
One of the best ways to offer criticism is by showing them how you do it. Demonstrating the right approach can be very helpful in keeping someone from becoming angry. This not only communicates that you are willing to lend a hand; it allows you to offer criticism in a way that helps the other improve. Scientific research has shown that people learn fastest and show the most improvement through having someone model the proper way to do something for them. Athletes and executives both use coaches to teach them to be more effective. 

3) "Poop Sandwich" Anger Management Technique 
You probably know this technique by another name. This three step technique involves starting out by saying something positive about the person. Even if they are totally screwing up you might be able to praise their effort and say something like "I totally see you out there working hard and trying your best". Then in the middle you slip in what you are unhappy about or what the person is doing wrong. Then you top it off by telling them how to improve and either using the demonstration anger management technique to make sure they have it down or by simply praising them and saying that you have faith that they can do this. You start and finish on high notes, which cushioning the criticism (aka "poop") in the middle

Why we Need to Take Risks

It does not matter if you are a Doctor, a Lawyer or an infantry soldier in the Army if you want to be the best and get ahead, you will need to take risks. 

A doctor may have to take risks when working with a patient. The Doctor may have to experiment with different forms of medications or new surgical procedures when all else has failed in an attempt to help the patient. 

A lawyer may have to argue a case in an unorthodox manner to win the case, but if the lawyer wants to become the top lawyer and make millions of dollars fighting high profile cases lots of risks have to be taken. 

A soldier may have to take a risk and run thru gunfire to save another injured soldier, to complete their mission, or just to secure an area from being overrun by enemy troops, after going days with little to no sleep, but if a soldier wants to get promotions and eventually lead men into battle they also need to take risks. 

These risks are not unlike someone looking to get rich in a casino, they have to be willing to risk everything they have to get that million dollar payoff. If you play it safe in a casino you may get lucky and win a big jackpot on the slot machines, but if you want to make millions you are going to have to play games such as Poker, Blackjack, Roulette and Craps . These are the games that with some skill, some luck and a lot of risk taking you can retire off your winnings. 

The same can be said about life in general. No one gets ahead in life from playing it safe. You will not meet your special someone if you are too afraid to risk getting rejected by someone, you will never get that big promotion unless you take risks at your job. 

It is very important to continue to take risks in life. To stop taking risks means to stand still in life. Standing still in life is one of the main causes of depression. These are usually the people afraid to confront the boss and tell him that they demand a raise; they are the ones that allow life to pass them by out of fear. The entire purpose of fear is to stop you from taking a risk. 

Fear is nothing more then the unknown. If you have always wanted to quit your job and open a shop but you are too afraid to do it, this is because you are afraid of failing and risking what you already have. 

It is important to learn to take risks in life if you want to be happy, you may not always get the things you risked for, but you will know that you tried, and in the end it does not matter in my opinion if you succeed or not it is how many risks you try to make that is the real test of how successful you are. 

Just remember if no one took risks we would be a world without flight and probably no automotive vehicles at all, maybe we would have no electricity. So risk truly is needed to improve the world.